This is my website.
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My website is my best friend.
It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
Without me my website is useless.
Without my website I am useless.
I must update my website true.
I must have a better website than my fellow comedians who are trying to one-up me.
I must be funnier than those who are trying to be funnier than me.
I will.
Before God I swear this creed.
My website and myself are defenders of humor.
We are the masters of the universe.
We are the savers of my life.
So be it.
Until there is no enemy, but peace.
Amen

- My Parody of the "Full Metal Jacket" Rifleman's Creed